created instability part 1

this is a larger blog that’s still brewing, but it starts here.

currently, i’m in the middle of several projects at home. i’m trying for better overall feng shui and my pictures are off the wall in most places, tables moved around, books piled, shoes on the table. though this is worse than normal, this is not new for me and i’m starting to wonder about it. i have a habit of putting myself in flux.

i’ve been dealing with some work changes and i keep staring at my schedule, obsessively looking to tweak it until it will make sense after the upcoming changes.

connected to this stuff is the knowledge that i moved all the time as a young kid – i went to 4 schools by the time i was in 5th grade. i didn’t say this was a memory, i don’t really remember a lot about moving, or feeling panicked at the thought of moving. but the knowledge that i moved so much means something here.

now all of these things are connected to my desire to stabilize. that was a goal of mine for this year especially in terms of work. work changes are different than home decor changes but it’s all related to this perpetual in process thing i do all the time. is it good, is it bad? i don’t know.

but it’s got my attention finally. more to come.

5 thoughts on “created instability part 1

  1. I moved a lot too growing up. Chicago, Denver, Michigan, North Carolina, Houston, Long Island, and back to Houston. Now, in Austin, I’ve finally made a home. I’ve lived in the same condo since 2004. The longest I’ve ever lived anywhere. My current employer–the longest I’ve ever worked anywhere. When I first bought my condo, I sat outside in the evening after the closing and thought, “Now I’m stuck.” But I’ve gotten used to stability. At last, I find comfort in stability, rather than panic.

    I look forward to reading part 2.

    • that’s really interesting, “finding comfort in stability rather than panic.” i never thought about the panic but that’s relevant to me. i think i’m trying to move toward a balance. i want to find that comfort in certain areas, while knowing that my mind will always be trying to create something different in other areas.

  2. It’s a good observation, for starters! We moved a lot when I was young, and I think because of this, I’ve always been hesitant to make new friends, because I never think it will last. (Though it’s easier to stay in touch now, than when I was young). But for the record, I also have shoes and books piled on my table. I like being process. I think it’s a good way to live.

    • i agree! there’s something i like so much about the way i’m always thinking about what comes next. i just don’t want to be compulsively in process where i don’t need to be. and i’m glad to know someone else has displaced piles 🙂

  3. Pingback: created instability part 2 | Bite Size Love

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