i’m not generally a card person. i don’t send a lot, i don’t save them forever. in fact, i think i have used the same box of christmas cards for the past 2-3 years. just don’t care.
but this year is different. this year i have something to say. or rather, thanks to give. so i bought a new box of cards and sent them out with loving gratitude to a few people that really showed up for me this year. as i was writing them out i started to cry, thinking back to the presence of friends during the funerals, before, and after.
the thing that struck me most, that brought a special brand of tears, was the kindness shown to me this year, the care. from close friends, hospice and nursing home staff, and people i didn’t know as well. just amazing.
as i was thinking how to sign my cards, i thought back to the last thing my aunt signed for me. which got me thinking about when i received it. hours after she died. and then i remember.
this week has been harder. in grief counseling on monday, i cried a lot more, wordless tears, than i have since i started. thanksgiving went better than i expected so i feel optimistic about christmas. still. i miss them. so much.