today we bury my grama’s ashes. i still don’t know how i feel. there’s no coming to terms right now. there’s only riding the waves of grief back and forth. sometimes i get up and move and return to life. sometimes there’s the other feeling.
you know how i like to find the right words for everything… this one stumps me. the best i can do is say that when i look inside sometimes, i feel like i’ve backed off into into another dimension where it’s absolutely quiet, all my words have been stolen, and i just sit. compact. and stare sideways. with furrowed brows. that’s the visual i have. that’s all i got.
i’m reading all these grief blogs. it’s hard to believe, and very comforting, to find that there are others out here who have experienced multiple deaths of loved ones in a short period of time. why does it happen?
it’s like the only way to move forward is to set them aside for short periods to do work, drive, connect. but then it catches up again. where is my family? we were fine. how did this happen? where did they go?