june has been hard. really hard. and i knew it would be. but my stress level has been through the roof. last week i was a combination of total spaz and complete shut down mode. it was bad, it was not fun, very uncomfortable, not happy. as i look back, shockingly this has had nothing to do with my personal life, it was all work and school. thankfully, i guess i should say.
yesterday i was able to tie up a lot of loose ends. within a matter of hours, i finished assignments, asserted myself, got some answers, got much needed support, vented, started scheduling my oral exams, finished paperwork, had the registrar audit my classes just to make sure, then headed out of the office to go to school. i walked out in the hot steamy sunshine, got in my car, rolled down the windows, turned on some music (digable planets, jettin, as it happened) and started driving. i was smiling. i was relaxed. the oblivious kid in the middle of the alley who cockily waved at me after he realized he was in my way didn’t even bother me!
i found myself completely relaxed for the first time in recent memory!
the feeling lasted. i had a great class. more things fell into place. the end is in sight! my last class of grad school will be next monday, i will finish my thesis and papers within the next 2 weeks, and my oral exam will be july 12 – the day i officially get my masters! the idea that i will be free of successive, neverending deadlines in a few short weeks and that the worst is already over… it’s a revelation! i can’t wait/i can feel it already.
imagine: reasonably clean house on a regular basis… reading for pleasure… the energy for a social life?! what?!?! soon, very soon… a life.