As I’ve started to date a little more this year I have come to a couple of conclusions:
It’s not that hard, not that special to find connections having to do with basic compatibility.
In being a bit vulnerable I practice accepting myself.
A big problem in my past was the fear that men would see my “damage” and run screaming. But it’s really about choosing more carefully who I open up to and when.
It follows that rationing disclosure over time is acceptable and powerful.
Keeping the qualities in mind that I’m looking for puts the right type of man in my field of vision.
The right type of man is just that : a type. There are many individuals within that type. (Hence my first conclusion.)
I used to think it would be so simple and easy when I found a man that would truly accept me and be a nice person – I thought those would be the parameters.
I was aiming a bit low due to past relationship/sex damage. I created some stereotypes about how men are. Now that I’m living in reality and meeting nice, good guys, what else am I looking for?
It’s ok to take my time.
It’s ok to explore physical attraction without too soon sex.
A kiss is not a contract.
It’s ok to not know where this is going or if I’m even sure yet if I wanna keep going.
I’m still thinking this through but as of now I don’t think I believe in trying to grow attraction and chemistry. You can grow many things in a relationship but I recognize spark right away and if it’s not there within the first meeting it’s not realistic for me to wish and wait on it. When attraction is absent it becomes a sore spot, a resentment for me. I have to be real about that.
That being said, real strong attraction scares me. That power dynamic makes me feel inferior and insecure. I need to work on that, or at least think more about it.
That’s enough for now. 🙂