a paradigm shift

first of all, writing this, i have the sneaking suspicion that i’ve used this title before. or maybe i just wrote a paragraph on it or something. oh well, doesn’t matter.

today i’m thankful for this overwhelming confirmation that good things happen when i focus on what i do want rather than what i don’t want. i can directly ask for it, and whether i get it or not, i’ve been true to myself and forthcoming about my wants, needs, and intentions. that is a magnificent feeling!

for me, forthcoming is the most significant piece. i have always been somewhat shy or downright secretive about what i want or need. i’ve gone about getting my needs met sideways or backwards, through carefully crafted requests or statements, through passive agression, through quietly fuming and pulling away. that seems so counterproductive now, but it had been a way of life. so the paradigm shift is about moving from that darkness into the light of assertiveness in myself. it comes through quiet reflection and brainstorming about what i want, trial and error on seeing what fits, then when i’m sure about what i’m looking for, being able to articulate it. this is hard for me because of the previously mentioned sideways and backwards communication. i think i can only be direct when i can accept that i deserve what i want and need.

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