bittersweet

what a crazy week! in the past week, i’ve worked no less than four 12+ hour days between work and school and internship. and the other days had at least one of those as a time chunk obligation. thursday was my day off but even that was filled with homework and errands and overwhelmingness.

this has been going on for a while. i’m tired.

so it was a huge blessing when my internship approached me saying they really wanted to hire me, and sooner rather than later. i was over the moon, so excited!! from my first all staff meeting, i knew i wanted to work there when i was finished with my masters, and i knew they were my new family. i had an idea they might hire me, but before i was done with school? that was a shock. it was only in telling one of my managers at my current job about it that i realized… i never even applied. they just asked me. wow! this week i got a packet full of paperwork and there was the application after the fact, after the offer letter, a formality. i’m so very fortunate.

and so here i find myself again. 10 months ago i was saying goodbye to handi medical. as much as i couldn’t wait to leave, it was hard. something i realized this year is that i’m thankful for the work families i have made, and who always last. no matter how i’ve felt about my jobs when i’ve had them, it’s a group of people who you spend a lot of time with, working out problems, hopefully helping and supporting each other, sometimes fighting or having bitter feelings. but it’s still a family. i’ve never really been very good at goodbyes. i preferred to leave without saying anything than to go through those motions. i think i did that because people meant more to me than i liked to acknowledge. so i was terrified to put in my notice again.

with the first manager i talked to, i was braced for shock, sadness, maybe even anger. but what i got was a heartfelt congratulations, and a reprimand for any sad, guilty feelings i had. my second manager was supportive as well, the third one was waiting at the door for me with a stick to beat me with! but it’s all love đŸ™‚ in telling other people it has been nice, too. i feel really thankful that i’m offering myself this opportunity this time to do a real goodbye, telling people and receiving the congratulations, letting go of the guilt and allowing myself to feel other people’s happiness for me.

it’s bittersweet. i’m moving into my dream. sooner than i thought, my job title becomes Mental Health Practitioner. i’m getting paid to do this! i want to revel in that happiness. but at the same time, goodbyes are always hard. i love working at christos. after working at rudolphs for so many years during a really tough time in my life, it was a great experience to go back into serving and enjoy it, to find self esteem in it, knowing i’m good at what i do. and i love my coworkers, i really do! it was about the easiest place to make friends that i’ve ever worked. i will miss them, but i will come to bother them all the time!

so that’s my good news, and my new way of moving through transitions. i’m proud of myself!

One thought on “bittersweet

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