how you end is how you begin

from a newsletter by Tama Kieves:

How did you respond to your life? Who did you become through facing the circumstances in your life? Did you uncover new capacities or did an old wound surface and limit your confidence and love? Did you try on new ways of being or did you momentarily freeze? Did you realize that your “identity” is just a set of beliefs and you can change your beliefs at any time?

Collect all that was good and true and put it into your box to take with you. Remember moments you shined or dared. Remember moments you realized something new. Remember people or resources that showed up, even for an instant. Put everything you loved about this year in the box. You are going to leave everything else behind. When you leave something behind, discard it like an article of clothing that just doesn’t fit. This is not about shunning or condemning anything.

Dream big. Go for it. Get naked about what you truly want. These are your years. Who do you want to become in the time ahead?

Here’s a Year End Invocation you might find helpful. I’m hoping it helps you ease into your true destiny in the coming year ahead. 
“I bless this year of my life. I bless all that it offered me. And I bless all that I received. I thank myself for this year of my life. I thank myself for everything I tried, whether or not it worked. I thank myself for the times I believed in myself, even if I couldn’t sustain it for as long as I would have liked. I thank myself for the times I got it right. I thank myself for the times I stretched. I thank myself for the times I was generous with myself. I thank myself for the times I invested in my dreams. I thank myself for the times I spoke my truth. I thank myself for the times I hunted for my truth.”

stoopit silly

i am thankful for belly laughs over real dumb shit.  aaron and chris are in town and we laughed so many times yesterday.  especially over weird gutteral noise grinding and taking the creeper voice too far in a nasty context.  it’s so good to laugh!  everyday.

happy homemaker

this christmas was bittersweet.  grama is deteriorating, as can only be expected at 93 in a nursing home.  she can’t hear for us to communicate with her, but she sure can make assumptions, get ornary, and say hurtful things.  she cut my christmas with the family short because of her demands to go home.  still working through that. 

on the thankfulness side, preparing for christmas was as usual.  i was determined to do something crafty and touching for my family.  this year i decided on handmade ornaments made from the old photos i finally sorted through this year after we moved grama out of her apt.  i finished all of them at right about noon on christmas day, but i really enjoyed those, they turned out nice.  i also did some cooking and baking and that was surprisingly fun and fulfilling for me!  aside from my lack of control on my own “sampling” i really enjoyed the cooking, using the gadgets i’ve inherited from my aunt, and trying new things!  super fun. 

the morning of christmas i decided to dress up, and i did the last minute sewing alterations on a skirt i’ve been working on.  it took all of 5 minutes to turn it into a skirt i want to wear, i’d been putting it off for a month. 

altogether, i got in touch with my happy homemaker side and i really enjoyed it.  i’m grateful for the opportunity to try new things and realize i like them, they don’t have to be perfect.  i think it’s really the perfection on the first try that has gotten to me and had me throw in the towel and run to stores at the last minute to get presents.  experimenting is great.  plus i don’t believe in failure – i always try to tweak something or try it a different way before i give up, so this was a great exercise in experimentation and fixing, and everything turned out lovely! 

because i can

while setting a table in the dining room next to the window, a little boy was walking past with his dad, probably on the way to the bus stop.  all bundled up with his puffy coat hood covering his face, the little guy did a spin jump off the window ledge and just kept walking.  like an aside.  i love the idea of that feeling, the way you were as a child, moving your body, doing impulsive fun moves just because you could!

jam of the day 12/18/11

this got me through my cleaning job last night.  yes.  yes i was dancing with the garbage bag.

looking it up on youtube though was a huge disappointment as now i see it’s associated with one of the twilight movies.  boo.

tea leaves

i stopped for some peppermint tea on the way home last night.  at spyhouse if you get it to go they give you the little mesh bag in your cup.  i’d never really looked at it before but as i was getting situated it caught my eye.  i could see the little loose leaves floating in the mesh underwater and it was just lovely.  i like food and drinks that are pretty to look at.